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Saturday, January 24, 2015

इल्तेजा

आहिस्ता चल, कुछ और बातें गुजर जाने दे 
पुलिंदे अपनी बीती जिंदगी के 
कुछ तू दिखा, कुछ मेरी बातें सुन, 
अपनी उदासी मेरे दिल से , फिर से गुजर जाने दे.

न देख ऐसे जैसे अजनबी हूँ मै 
तू पास आ नजरों की जद में मेरे,
 ठहर जा वहीं, मेरी आँखों को 
अपनी आँखों से गुजर जाने दे  
तुझसे मुहब्बत नहीं है मुझे 
फिर भी , तू साथ चल मेरे 
और कुछ वक़्त गुजर जाने दे 

तू अपनी तकलीफ कह 
कुछ मुझे तेरी उलझने सुलझाने दे 
न देख ऐसे जैसे अजनबी हूँ मै 
कुछ अपनी कह , कुछ मुझे अपनी इल्तेजा 
सुनाने दे।
तू वही राग बन, जो चाहत है तेरी 
बस साथ चल मेरे, और कुछ वक़्त गुजर जाने दे
-रोशन कुमार "राही"


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Saturday, January 17, 2015

A story of a bird and a tree

                                             

People like me usually feel lost on the end of each and every day. reading doesn't distract for much longer. In the end I have to come back to the real world and here in reality I’m a frustrated little lad....Who can't do anything properly, One of the basic thing we learn after our birth is "how to walk".. I'm 22 and I can't even walk properly. Although I never had any problems with my walking styleBut there are people who find it pleasant to notify that in every next moment. I love it when friends and others call me Charlie Chaplin..I live with constant fear of doing things wrong, doesn't matter what i do.I hope you can imagine the level of my frustration.So here in my world i'll always need someone to fix me, someone who can show me the one true path.This post is dedicated to that 'someone' of my life.  I too have dreams, I too have people to whom I wish to fate all possible happiness. So here it is what I think about you.When I see you, hear you every day. I look deep into all your sorrows and happiness and there comes a moment, where I want to stay with you, Smile with you, make you laugh share all your agony. You've always been a light for me when I was in a dark alley. And yet I haven't have done anything for you other than scribbling a few poetry. But what I wish for you is the best possible life a lady can ever have. Full of everything she desires. And right now I’m unable to do it with my power. And trust me that frustrates me.

And when a writer is frustrated, he writes.

So I thought to put you as a character in ma novel. There I can control your life, I can put you through all the happiness I can imagine. I can be with you for as long as I wish. No one or no religion will be able to set us apart, no one can draw such boundary which will stop us from spending time together.

It’s not because you know almost everything about me, it’s not because I adore you, it’s not because I feel like
"kamini full marriage material hai' :p

It’s because you deserved to be loved with an immortal madness. Which won't let me go away
From you even if you hurt me. You were always with me, you never got anything for spending time with me or fixing me, or helping me, when I was a lost soul.

You are one of those people, with whom I can't be selfish. A few days ago I decided to put you in my novel and today I wrote a few pages. Especially for you I’ve re-written the first chapter of ma novel.
I don't need to be your husband to travel with you across all the seas and shores and other traumatic and happy moments, I want to walk with you from this day to my last as your beloved friend.

I’ll put you and me in thousands of character and we live thousands of lives together. I'll let your yell make me cry again. I’ll let you help me, I’ll let you hurt me, I’ll grant all the apologies you'll ask for, and it’s more than I wish, a little less than what I need. I gave you immortality and powers and the same innocent heart you own.

This virtual thing will always keep me frustrated and I’ll keep writing to find a satisfactory life for you and me. I’ll keep writing until this frustration wont wore out. And I know it won't, so I’ll keep writing always and forever. Even in my first novel with a warrior as a protagonist I’m trying
To show how powerful this force of frustration is.

You’re like a bird who wants to fly high, I’m like a tree, living a shackled existence. When you fly away I wait for you to come to your nest, and until you’re not there with me I think about the sky and its limits, I'm a tree who thinks about growing high, just high enough to keep you in sight I wake up  with your chirp and go to sleep with your silence. Thinking you’re here on a branch, on a piece of my soul. In my heart. You’ll grow your life in my heart, I’ll keep you safe from the rain and the hurricanes. That’s all I wish. That’s all I want.



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Friday, January 9, 2015

Shadows





I was high on weed, I wanted to write a poetry for her, to express how much I love her and as a starting line I quill-ed three simple words and felt it deeply. And the ardent pleasantness dulled my senses, a smile ran over my face. The joy of being in starry heaven over warmed me.In starting I dipped my pleasantness in smoke and nibbled it.And there I started drowning, and kept drowning for a very long time in the strength of that believe.

"I love you" yes I surely do”.

It didn't take very long time, The Believe kept pinching me and I cried.Tears found them self loosing there track in my hazy beard and again my lips formed the same words.

“Yes sweet heart I love you".

With these thoughts and pleasantness,I didn't know when I fall asleep, but the video in my mind was the same.I was there with her crying for her, and she was there too. Trying to convince me that she is right there with my hand in hers with her usual haunting smile on her face.

She asked me if I’d like to join her for a walk.I laughed in tears and told her I’m dying to walk with you.
This is one of those things I can do for whole my life.And there was my first walk with her, it was like a dream come true.I didn't even realize that I’m in a dream

We walked together, she specially notified that she has my hand in hers from last few minutes, she knew merely holding my hand will fetch me all the happiness in the world. It wouldn't be a shock if I’ll die after knowing that she is holding my hand.

I filled our conversation with smile, I did everything I could to make her smile and I succeeded she laughed madly on my gesture and stupidity and told me “you are stupid Roshan”. And trust me it did sound extremely romantic. I still can hear it echoing in my head.
We danced like there is no one else other than our madness and love. I asked her if she can say it in words what exactly she thinks who we are and what we are.

She said "we are Shadows made of love". I sighed!!!

Are we made of same material??? I asked stupidly. And there she burst into laughter, such divine moment it was.
“Yes” I read the answer in her laughter.  And felt glad about it “At least we have something in common”

She smiled but it was full of emotional values like she understand me. She knows that I’m mad for her, and it will destroy me if she won’t be with me. She knows what I want to hear. But she didn't say those words.
We stayed still for a little long I kept looking into her eyes, it was whole of a new life there, and she knows I wasn't looking at its beauty. I was looking for me, if there is an image of mine too.

A few word fell from her mouth to slice me down."Longer you stay harder it will be to leave, or to live"

I told her that I don't want to date her, i want to be with her,...... I want to marry her, have a family with her, and I can be here at this same place for rest of the eternity, holding your hand, if that is all it take for our togetherness.And when she heard me her face was quite like a grave, my face was like a grave of someone who is still alive inside it. Someone who wants to shout, express what it is, pinching him from an eternity

Now we should get back to our real self, let’s go Back Roshan"
"No Please, a few minutes more...please" I begged.
You have to go Roshan, to fix your life,if you stay here you'll go insane.

"I’m OK with it" I said. I’ll love to go insane if that is the cost of being with you.
NO I don't want to destroy someone’s life please try to understand me...go back
You want me to go back in a world where your heart full of immense hatred for me??

"Yes" she said in a harsh tone” Go back there, find me tell me that you love me. Try to make me feel something for you or understand you.

"Like that is going to be easy"... I thought

I tucked her hair behind her ear, and smiled, a tear drop trembled down from my eyes.
“I wanted to do this from a very long time” I tried to laugh like mad man. I was expecting her to blush but she didn't. She just smiled simply, her each smile was like an eternal pleasure for me.
“You’re like sweet little kid” she laughed
“Now it’s time to go back Roshan” I remain silent for a moment.

"OK I’ll go back, and find you and tell you and I'm whatever I'm is because of you. I found new places while I was chasing a butterfly whose wings had same color as your eyes and while I was there wandering in grievance because you abandoned me. That butterfly looked at me and then flew away in search of another flower less psycho or horrible than me, just like you did every time. I still wander some times in search of that butterfly.

She didn't say anything, just kept looking at me.

You know people think I'm mad when they see I'm talking to you, or to your shadow while I’m on the road going to nowhere or to the tea shop, they can't see you everywhere and in everything.
"Foolish people"

She laughed politely.

"I don’t want to go where I can't even see you are talk to you."

She kept smiling moved toward me gently and dropped a sweet and never lasting kiss on my fore head.
Trust me I wanted to die right there at that moment cause the happiness i felt at that point in time was unbearable.

"I have a solution for you Roshan"Go there in the world of mortal beings. Find me,
I know future is uncertain but if you endeavor to find me, someday you will succeed.
Every time she calls my name I want to pause that moment and rewind it for a thousand times
Just to hear it and look at her lips while she pronounce my name

She holds both of my hands with her's, looked straight in to my wet eyes and says.

"Promise me Roshan, promise me that you will find me"and express to me that you're madly in love with me,doesn't matter even if I try to kill you or have you thrown out from my College again when you come searching for me there.

"Promise me you will never give up on me, promise me" She waited for my reply.

I cried again and this time I cried loudly, I hadn't had anything else in my mind at then, she saw me, she heard me and she hugged me. She kept her head on my shoulder, I hugged her tight like I don’t intend to let her go away. I was unable to feel my weight in that moment of time. Unintentionally I cried more and more. I cried in her arms, she cried in mine.

Fate is such a distaste-full thing isn't it Roshan?? She asked.
"Yes it is"..I tried to laugh.

You know,“you can come back here until you don't find me there"I'm always here for you. I’ll always be here, waiting for you.

i woke up found my pillow wet....wiped my tears, and realized"what a beautiful dream it was".
And I still chase that butterfly until it vanishes in thin air like it was just a whim.



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Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Love, A journey

When you get high to a certain level, when shouting without any reason
sounds okay. You put your pen on paper and paint a few symbols
you will pick the most torturing memory from past and pen it down
and i'm pretty sure you will write how beautiful those moment were.

If you are in love you don't need any other way
I didn't use the word 'true' before love cause love is unique either
it will be true by default or it won't be love.

Allow me to take you on a journey.


Love is a complex journey
he was told in a certain way
a newbie did't know 
how to walk or walk away!!

he stood like a statue
every day in Her way
looking for foot prints
She left on the road to stay.

and one day he was curious to know
where paths take her every day
for him it was tough to explain,
what he feels, or what he should say
the distance casts an imperishable dismay.

he kept his feet on 
her first foot print
and then on second ,
and kept walking all day
all he wanted to say was 'Hey'

he likes the way she smile
and drink and talk and walk away 
well!!! he was in love ???
and love is a journey, 
he didn't know, 
how to walk or walk away.

one day he realized it was easy 
to walk in love, and wait
cause her footprints were there
to show him the right way

she look intelligent,
she can show him a better way
love showed him the darkness
and darkness showed him his true way

love is a journey 
and he didn't know
how to walk or walk away

                                                                  ...........RoshAn"

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