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Monday, August 12, 2013

A beauty of with in

The silence on that evening seemed harsher. Light of the bulb, in my room danced in all the corners of my room. Some corners, where darkness run wild, had been envious for far too long and now they have learned to love the portion of light and darkness they received. 

It was 7:00 PM, a moist evening was visible, The cold had the whole city as it’s siege. I, however, was rolling on my bed, from one corner to another, the breath I was drawing didn’t have any taste, generally I find a sense of glee in every action. The peace of my mind was absent.

That evening was irksome, for some reasons, I was highly stressed. I needed to do something to turn the situation around. A walk has always been best stress buster for me.  So I went for a walk, in search of peace, on a long road which goes to JK TEMPLE. That is a famous temple of Kanpur, 

On that evening, when I saw someone, sitting peacefully, on a chair, doing nothing about the problems, which did not concern them.  I didn’t understand they manage to do it.  I saw a begger, on my way to the temple, even he seemed happier than me.
I was sure there is something wrong with this evening or with this universe.

In such cases, humans look for a hope, most of time they visit a temple, bow down for their gods. I wanted to try the same. I have so much about the temple and how it’s rich aroma helps change your mood.

I lived in Katiyar’s house, which is  right behind the Kulwanti hospital, in Kakadeo, Kanpur. In last few days I realized having a walk from gets anger crossing to neer-chheer chauraha wasn’t working for  me. I needed some peace for my mind, it was bewildered and confused.

On the way to JK temple, which was almost two kilometers for from there, I did so many awkward things, For a moment I just ran. I don’t know why but It was helping me to stay away from other tormenting thoughts, I took a sudden stop and stayed there like statue for few seconds, 

At times I stood still on the curb and raised my hand as I was trying to stop something. Then I thought, “what the hell is wrong with me.”

It was like my thoughts has risen from my mind  and stopped my legs from moving.
 it wasn’t intentional it was happening because I was feeling strongly unhappy, with my life. All that madness was caused by dissatisfaction. At that night I had strongest desire ever to bang my head somewhere and lie unconscious for hours and wake up again, when my universe is in peace again  and my mind will feel ok.

                 NOTHING in my life was going well “nothing”. The most frustrating thought was “students like me don’t get the college like IIT. That realization was making me numb, and obviously it was my fault. Over all I was frustrated beyond the limits. After a little time of talking and cursing my life I found my self in the sight of the white beauty of the temple. The white sculpture made with beaut of stone and skills. Everyone there was so busy with their friends and relatives. I roamed  from first corner to last in search of peace. I didn’t get any thing I was looking for.

Generally I notice saddest things  and people, in my path. The crying cow, wounded dog, dying tree. But today the  world looked happy, only I was not. The chirping crowd was even more irritating. I walked in the dark corners of the ground. Which looked green and dead and full of trees. I walked until I had no energy left. My mind was finding it hard to muster even a single idea thought. I was fully exhausted. I like to push the limits, no matter how many times I’m pushed back.

I walked  back to my room. Tired  to the core,  I covered half of the path at a snail’s pace because of my tired soul and body. Walking for more than four kilometers wasn’t a good very good idea I guess.

I jumped on the bed and drew  a deep and warm breath on the name holy temple. My eyes were watery because of tiredness, I was slowly loosing my self to a desired situation ‘snoozing’ and I felt so relaxed, at that point in time, in my bed.  It was like sleep is singing lullabies and fan’s air was like caressing my hair. I smelt a little sober whiff of a smile around my lips. 

Then I realized, that was the feeling for what I was running all around the globe, I went for a walk in search of ‘peace of my mind. The very thing I was experiencing on the bed was beautiful as I had no stress left or I had no energy to understand if it is stress or something else entirely.  I was tired so just drown in sleepy slumber felt 
extraordinary, unexplainable. I can sense how time was coalescing most peaceful thoughts in my mind.

             I had a single room, so there was pin drop silence. Even I could hear my heartbeat. It  was simply joyous to be there and just try to sleep, it was so very peaceful. Then I smiled and slapped my forehead. That was the feeling, I was scouring the earth for.  A drop of tear rolled down from my eyes, and I smiled again how foolish I am.

Peace and satisfaction is not something to find ‘it is a beauty that lies within’. 

It was always there in my room and I was roaming here and their in search of it.  You just need to stay calm and let it in, if you can control this, the world will be easier to conquer.  It will always exist with in, same as oceans exist in the our world, we can use its tides and water to make our life easier. Similarly, you can use this hidden treasure, the peace of your mind, to make your life better.

Seeking shelter in abode of a force you do not understand and expect it to aid you In your pursuits is just one of the ways to find that perpetual joy.

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